Every now and then Pinterest will send me some kind of digest email. Most of them I glance at and delete, but the one with the subject “10 why-didn’t-we-think-of-that home hacks” unleashed a torrent of inspiration that I never even knew was in me. It’s just a matter of using your imagination! Where before I would look around and see trash in the street, now I try and think of it as trash in my house. So before you go out and spend your money on an affordable option at Ikea, hack your home using one of these brilliant ideas instead. Best of all, you can do it yourself with no help!
Shipping Pallet Bed
Re-purposed wood pallets are a hot design trend right now and it’s easy to see why. The cracked moldy wood and shoddy construction add an unsightly touch to any hobo den. But as an architectural purist, I hate to see these pallets dressed up as something they’re not. Why put lipstick on the dirty old pig when you can just have the dirty old pig? I’m getting back to basics with this great bed which is just two pallets next to each other, shown here with sheets up-cycled from burlap sacks of rice. Trouble waking up in the morning? Oversleeping is never a problem when you’re constantly punctured by loose nails!
Bonus hack! Get yourself a monkey to preen the splinters out of your back every morning. Check with the city zoning office and your landlord for any regulations regarding exotic pets.
Cinder Block Nightstand
Concrete masonry units, commonly called “CMUs”, “cinder blocks” and “pillbug habitats” are the bottom of the building materials barrel. Even the stingiest building owners usually have the decency to cover them up in all but the most utilitarian of building areas. So why not prominently feature them in your bedroom? You’ll look like a lunatic riding the bus with 3 cinder blocks on your lap, but just tell everyone that you’re making a nightstand out of them. Who is crazy now? Just drag them into position across your hardwood floor and POW! You have a stylish nightstand and all it cost you was your security deposit.
Bonus hack! Stack a (literal) ton of cinder blocks against the wall with the cavities facing out for a gorgeous bookshelf. Check with a structural engineer to verify that the floor structure can handle the increased dead load.
Just a bunch of milk crates everywhere
Milk crates are like the Legos of interior design. They’re OK individually when used as storage, or turned upside down and used as a chair. But when you have a million of them, the possibilities are endless! Turn two of them upside down and use them as a stool! There might be other options, too, so let your imagination run wild!
Bonus hack! A milk crate would probably look cool with a lightbulb inside it. In any case, check with your local law enforcement officer to verify the statute of limitations for milk crate theft.
Trash Bag Chair
Every year New York City gets hit by a blizzard and trash bags pile up on the sidewalk in enormous heaps. Then New Yorkers complain about it and this makes national news because somebody thinks the rest of the country cares. Well, while New Yorkers are getting mad, I’m getting glad. Glad brand trash bags littering my house, that is! Simply take all of your soft-ish refuse that hopefully wont stink for a while, stuff it in a big black sack and throw it on the floor. Then just settle in for a cozy night of self-reflection. Nothing puts your life in perspective like laying on a pile of garbage and staring at the ceiling!
Bonus hack! When this chair goes out of style you won’t feel bad about putting it in a dumpster because that’s where it should have been in the first place. If you’re throwing away an entire living room set, make sure you check with your sanitation department to schedule a bulk pick-up.
That’s all for today! Check back often for more genius tips on how to turn one man’s trash into your own personal treasure!