Warning Labels 01

Last week I posted about field measuring. Well, the other benefit to field measuring is seeing the building in its “natural” state. In a home, you get to go in and see how the homeowner lives (or at least, now they want you to think they live). In an industrial training facility, you get to see awesome warning signs:

WL_Laser Safety

Not sure about you, but when I think Laser Safety, I think James Bond, then I think Resident Evil, then I think Austin Powers. Maybe thinking laser safety is not the best advice.

WL_Grinding Goggles

True in all metal shops and at most raves. And if you’re keeping score, this is the second time I’ve giggled about “grinding” in as many months. I’m 26 and the year is 2013. Draw your own conclusions.

I’ve been wanting to do a post about terrifying and/or hilarious warning labels since I had to light the pilot on my water heater and found this:

WL_Water Heater

I didn’t even know it was possible for water to get hot enough to vaporize bone. It’s like somebody drew the picture and decided just the melted hand didn’t make it clear enough. “Hmm, maybe I should clearly state that the water is hot? Something’s still missing … Right! The hand is burn!” I’ve always loved gruesome warning labels like that one. I remember the jointer in my college woodshop had a similarly sobering violent dismemberment portrayed, but I couldn’t find it on Google. In fact, it was surprisingly difficult for me to find any funny warning labels (or warning labels at all) using Google. I thought I remembered the cardboard baler from my Giant Eagle days having a memorable warning, but all I could find were images like this:

Evidently, if you are killed in a horrific baler accident, your everlasting soul is doomed to forever bale cardboard, glum, naked and hairy. Surely there is a Reddit user group or a Tumblr around that is dedicated to the kind of warning labels I’m looking for, but if so, I haven’t found it. Mostly because I have no idea what either of those things are. So I have been quietly collecting off-beat warning labels, like this one from a package recently delivered to the house:

WL_Do Not Freeze

“Boss, as you know, in spite of our clearly printed instructions, our customers have been freezing our boxes immediately upon delivery. I think what we need is a pictogram, so take a look at what I’ve drawn up. Now not only will people stop freezing our product, but they’ll know to stay away from dapper penguins who will only break their heart.”

I found this next warning in the foreign-language instructions for installing an Italian light fixture. This is literally all I had to go on:

WL_Dont do this

Since I don’t read Italian, I’m assuming it translates to “Attention jelly-limbed aliens: tractor beams are for business use only. Usage for recreation purposes including, but not limited to, footloose and fancy-free extraction of honeycomb from open sewers is strictly prohibited. See Fig.C.”

If you see any hilarious warning labels, take pictures and start a Tumblr. Then teach me how to Tumbl.

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