Not everything can be HD

Here is an exhaustive list of everything that can be classified as “HD”:

1. Televisions

However, since HDTV became super-popular in the late ’90’s, it seems like everything wants to be HD now. Here’s a short list of things that wish they were HD but aren’t.

FireLite Fire-Rated Glass

The problem with any kind of glass being HD is that it will never be as HD as air. In fact, there’s already something called visible transmission that tells you this. Besides, I’m thinking that during a fire you might not want to see, in exquisite detail, what’s happening in the kitten incubator.

Instead of HD: Just Check the Visible Transmission (JCVT)

Therma-Tru Steel Entry Doors

No.

Instead of HD: High Relief (HR)

Sunglasses

Full disclosure: I have a pair of HD sunglasses that are totally awesome, you can ask my softball team. While you’re at it, ask them how much seeing things in high definition has improved my softball game. Answer: it didn’t. Maybe that’s because, as implied by the commercial, HD aviators only help you see aviation-related paraphernalia in HD. I also love the director’s use of the time-honored cinematic device of communicating that the protagonist is finally seeing things clearly for the fist time: nodding their head and looking from left to right.

Instead of HD: Won’t help you play softball any better (WHYPSAB)

Metal Protector HD

“All metal around us erodes to naught but dust! For years humanity has protected its metals only in standard D, and now we must pay the price for our folly! Lo, but what is this? We are saved by Metal Protector HD! But dare we to play God?” As an aside, this is from Section IX of the Materials Safety Data Sheet for this product: “Appearance and Odor: Clear, milky liquid with a unique odor”. I can only assume that there is a guy that smells chemicals for a living, and the best he could do for Metal Protector HD was “unique”.

Instead of HD: Clear, milky liquid with a unique odor (CMLUO)

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